Woke up in a terrible mood this morning. Had a dream (which I actually remembered better right after waking a lot better than almost any other I’ve ever had) about Kev. It’s sad when even my dreams admit that he just doesn’t care. Even Dave was nicer in my dream than he was.
I don’t really know what to do. He was my only friend at school, and now he’s basically given me permission to kill myself. Okay, I’m getting rid of this whiny tone now. I sound like those people on THC who think they have to change to make people like them, and I know better than of that.
I’m indignant that our friendship and my existence meant so little to him that when I reached out, he thought nothing of ignoring me, and continuing to do so. I’m no authority on how to treat people right, but even I wouldn’t take a text that said “I wish I were dead” and not respond.
Not even to someone I didn’t call my best friend. There is simply no excuse. I would respond to that even if it were from DAVE. That he didn’t when it was from me says a lot, but I’m still not sure what. But I’m trying to stop caring because he obviously wasn’t the friend I thought he was. I just need to get out of my shell and try to meet new people. I wish I didn’t suck at that sort of thing so badly.
On a lighter note, things are going well at Nicole’s. I really like the feeling of being home. It’s pretty rare for me to get down here, but I do miss Ty quite a bit. Okay, a ton. But I talk about him all the time to Nicole and I’m sure she’s like, “OKAY already. I get that this guy is perfect, but do you really have to keep talking about it?” >.<
We’re going to watch scary movies to-night since we have each other to fall asleep with. We stayed up talking until 4 AM this morning. I had one of those cosmic a-ha moments because Shauna and I used to stay up late and talk whenever we were together. So I guess that’s life’s way of saying that things might not go back to the way they were, but the change can still make it so good things happen the same way. Something like that. I dunno.
Anyway, I’m starved, and I’ve got to send Ty some more Heartless. Take care, y’all.